Saturday, May 17, 2014

Ladki ka Surprise Kamal ka hota hai

,
Ladka aur Ladki Hotel Ke Room Mein Jate Hai...
Andar Jate Hi Ladka Apni Pant Utarata Hai, to Ladki Dekhte Hi Bolti Hai
Ladki - "Ye Kya? pahale Condom to laga lo'
Ladka - "Surprise... Aaj Bina Condom Ke Hi Karenge"
Ladki - Bahan Chodd Agar Main 9 Mahine Baad tere ko Surprise Doon To Fir LODE Jaisa Muh Mat Bana Lena...
Read more →

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Ek Indian aur Ek American ka Mazaak

,
Ek baar Ek American aur Ek Indian helicopter main ja rahe the
Tabhi american ko potty lagi, indian ne kaha 1 plastic bag main kar ke niche phek do
Usne waisa hi kiya,
Niche Ek Sadhu ganga main pray kar raha tha, tabhi uske haath main wo plastic bag aa gira
-
Sadhu ne socha bhagwan ka prasaad hai ghar jaakar Pappu ko khilaunga
Ghar gaya or usne Pappu ko diya aur bola kha lo
Jaise hi pappu ne khane ke liye uthaya, light chali gayi
-
Pehla bite - papa khatti,
-
Dusra bite - papa mitthi
-
Tisra bite khane gaya to light wapas aa gayi
-
-
-
-
Papa "tatti"
Read more →

Friday, March 28, 2014

English ki Maa Bahan kar di

,
Lady - Hey Fruit wale Bhaiya, give me some Potatoes Fever...
Fruit wala - "O Meri Bahana ye 'Potatoes Fever' kya hota hai?
Lady - Oh Maye Gaad, U Literacy People! 'Potatoes Fever' means 'Aaloo Bukhara'...
Read more →

Friday, March 14, 2014

Sardar aur police ka jokes

,
Ek Sardar bahut fast CAR chala raha tha...
Aur Usko Traffic police ne pakad liya...
Sardar - Sir, main Driving sikh raha hu
Police - Bina kisi teacher ke,
Sardar - han, corespondance course hai na...
Read more →

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Pappu ko sab pata hai

,
Teacher - Hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab pata hai.
pappu - Papa mujhe sab pata hai..
Papa - beta ye 50 ruppee le lo aur chup rehna.
pappu - Mummy muje sab pata hai..
Mummy - beta ye 100 ruppee le lo aur chup rehna.
Pappu (nokar se) - Ramu kaka mujhe na sab pata hai..
Ramu kaka - Aaja mera beta apne baap ke gale lag jaa
Read more →

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Mast joke on Sardi Bahut hai yar

,
Ek bar Sardi (Thand) bahut pad rahi thi aur 3 Dost baat kar rahe the
1st Dost : Yar hamare yaha itni thand padti hai ki Pani ko bhi Garm karke pina padta hai...
-
2nd Dost : bas' yar hamare yaha to itni sardi padti hai ki jab hum toilet karte hain to, toilet bhi jama hua nikalta hai aur fir tod ke dur fakna padta hai...
-
3rd Dost : Yar tum logo ke yaha to kuch bhi nahi padti hai...
Hamare yaha 1 bar 3 guest aaye the... wo 1 sofa par bathe hue the aur jab wo gaye to Sofe par 3 bade Gole chod gaye...
hamne dekha ki ye kya hai aur jab unko Garam kiya gaya to unme se Poooooo ki Aawaz nikli...
Read more →

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Ek Ladki Doctor ke pass Gayi

,
Ek Ladki Doctor ke pass test karane gayi
Doctor - You r pregnent..
Ladki - par mene kbhi kisi mard se sex nahi kiya..
-
-
-
Doctor - to apke pet main bhi insan ki aulad nahi hai...
-
-
-
-
kele or mooli ke podhe hai...
Doctor - Chutkule and jokes

Read more →

Teacher aur Student ke Chutkule

,
Teacher Student se
Teacher - What is love...?
-
-
Student ka Khatarnak Answer-
-
-
L’ ko hath main lekar
O’ ko dabate hue
V’ main dalte waqt jo
E’ ki aawaz nikalti hai
use hi LOVE kahte hai..!!
Read more →

Friday, December 6, 2013

Pappu ka Sahi Jawab

,
अध्यापक, पप्पू एक साथ कितनी बाल्टी उठा सकते हो?
पप्पू बोला, 2 बाल्टी एक लेफ्ट और राईट हाथ से उठा सकता हूँ।
अध्यापक, साले चूतिये मैं एक साथ 3 बाल्टियां उठा सकता हूँ।
पप्पू : कैसे?
अध्यापक : एक लेफ्ट हाथ से, एक राईट हाथ से और एक अपने Loude
पे।
पप्पू सोचता है इस हरामखोर मास्टर का कुछ करना पड़ेगा।
वो बोला मैं एक साथ 5 बाल्टियां उठा सकता हूँ सर।
अध्यापक : कैसे?

पप्पू : एक लेफ्ट हाथ से एक राईट हाथ से बाकी आपको अपने Loude
पे बैठा के।
Read more →

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Pati par Nirmal Baba ki Kirpa

,
एक आदमी की शादी को बीस साल हो गए और वह बहुत परेसान था, तो वह निर्मल बाबा से मिला
निर्मल बाबा ने उसको सलाह दी की पत्नी के खाने की तारीफ करो कृपा होगी...
बाबा की बात उस पर असर कर गयी,
परन्तु उसने बीस साल से कभी अपनी पत्नी के हाथ से बने खाने की तारीफ नहीं की थी...
तो रात को खाना खाने के बाद पत्नी से उसने खाने कि बहुत तारीफ कि "वाह क्या खाना बनाया है आज तो जिंदगी का मजा आ गया"
-
पत्नी बेलन उठाकर बोली बीस साल से मेरे खाने की तारीफ नहीं की और आज जब पड़ोसन ने पराठे भेज दिए तो तुम्हे ज़िन्दगी का मज़ा आ गया
पति मन में ही बोला बाबा कृपा हो गयी...
Read more →

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Mobile Phone ke Nuksan

,
Mobile Aaya
Camera Khatam
-
Mobile Aaya
Wrist Watch Khatam
-
Mobile Aaya
Torch Khatam
-
Mobile Aaya
Radio Khatam
-
Mobile Aaya
MP3 Khatam
-
Mobile Aaya
Letters Khatam
-
Mobile Aaya
Calculator Khatam
-
Mobile Aaya
Computer Khatam
-
Mobile Aaya
Sakooon Khatam
-
Aur agar apka
-
"Mobile"
aap ki

"Girlfriend/wife" ke haath main aaya to

Maa Kasam
aap "Khatam."
Read more →

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Sardar ke mast jokes

,
Doctor to Sardaar - App ka aur aapki wife ka blood group ek hi hai.
Sardar - Hoga, Jarur hoga... 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai..
Read more →

Friday, November 1, 2013

Santa, Banta aur Pappu ki Samajhdari

,
एक बार 3 चोर संता, बंता और पप्पू पुलिस से बचने के लिए भागकर एक गोदाम में जाकर अपने-आपको बोरियों में बंद करके छिप गए..

पुलिस वाले ने पहली बोरी में लात मारी...

अंदर से पप्पू बोला – "म्याऊँ - म्याऊँ !!"...

पुलिस – "बिल्ली है बिल्ली"

फिर दूसरी बोरी को लात मारी...

भीतर छुपा बंता बोला – "भौं... भौं भौं.."

पुलिस – "अरे यार ये तो कुत्ता है.."

फिर तीसरी बोरी, जिसमें कि संता छुपा बैठा था, उसको लात मारी...

कोई आवाज़ नहीं आई...

दूसरी लात मारी .. फिर कोई आवाज़ नहीं आई...

फिर लगातार बीस-पच्चीस लात मारी तो बोरी के भीतर बैठे संता से नहीं रहा गया,

बोला – "अरे कमीनो.. आलू हूँ आलू... आलू भी कभी बोलता है क्या ???"
Read more →

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Doodh or Ladki Mein Kya Faraq Hai

,
School Ke Trip Par Bachhe Ghumne Gaye, Aur Usmein Santa Ki Beti Chinki Bhi Thi,
Jaisa Ki Aap sab Jante Ho Ki Jaha Jyada Ladkiya Hoti hain waha Bas Duniya Bhar Ki Ajeebo Gareeb Baatein Shuru.
Ase Hi Chinki Ki Ek Friend Ne Sabhi Ke Samne Ek Question Rakha.

Ladki - Koi Bataoo Ki Doodh or Ladki Mein Kya Faraq Hota Hai
Chinki - Are Pagli Tujhe ye Bhi Nai Pata...
Doodh Jab Garam Hota Hai To us par Malayi Uper Aati Hai, Aur Ladki Jab Garam Ho jae to Malayi Niche Aati Hai
Read more →

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Ladki Swarg ke Gate Par

,
Ek Ladki Swarg ke gate par khadi hoti hai,
Aur usko andar se Dard aur yatna se bhari chikhne ki Aawaz sunai deti hai,
Ladki swarg ke Darban se puchti hai, "Yah sab kya ho raha hai"
Darban - ye swarg ke Dooton ki aawaz hai jinki Peeth main Dril se ched kiye ja rahe hain.. naye Pankh lagane ke liye aur
Sar main
ched kiye ja rahe hain Tezomandal lagane ke liye,

Ladki kahti hai - Swarg to bada bhayanak lagta hai isliye main to Narak main jana chahti hu,
Darban - Narak main apke liye thik nahi hai... waha apke sath lagatar Balatkar hoga...
Ladki jawab deti hai ki..." Ye to jayada achhha hai, aur uske liye mere pass pahale se ched bhi hai...
Read more →

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Double Meaning Jokes

,
Aur jor se Dabaao na..
Aisa karo mera blaouse nikal do
Meri sari bhi
Aur ab dabaoo
Thoda zorse
Tumhara pant bhi nikal do
-
Dekho ho gayi na ab suitcase band...

*********

Marzi Ka Sex Pap Nahi Hota..
Piche se Dalne Wala Kabhi Baap nahi Hota..
Condom Zarur Lagana Mere Dost
Quki
Sex ke Waqt PAPPU Ke Pass Dimag nahi hota...

*********

Ek Village main aaj bhi films ka advt. Cycle rickshaw se announce hota hai..
Ek din kuch ase announce ho raha tha..
Film ka naam - "bade ghar ki beti.."
"Bade ghar ki beti ka mazaa lijiye, din main chaar baar, 9 se 12, 12 se 3, 3 se 6 aur raat 9 se 12..baje tak...
Aage ka 20 rupaye, peeche ka 10 rupaye.. Lijiye maza lijiye.
Read more →

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Pappu ko AIDS ho Gaya

,
Pappu U.S.A. se apni maa ko phone karta hai.
-
Pappu - Maa mujhe AIDS ho gaya hai.
Maa - Tu wapas mat aana BETA
Pappu - Qu maa
Maa - Agar tu aaya to Teri wife ko AIDS ho jayega,
Teri wife se tere BHAI ko Tere BHAI se NOKRANI ko, NOKRANI se tere PAPA ko,
Tere PAPA se teri MAUSI ko, Teri MAUSI se tere MOUSA ko, Tere MOUSA se Mujhe,
Mujh se hamare DRIVER ko, driver se teri Bahen ko
Or Agar teri bahen ko hua to sare GAON ko ho jayega..

Gaon ko bacha le beta...
Read more →

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Ek bar Dholu College Main

,
Ek Bar Dholu Apne Dost Ko Milne College Gaya
Waha Per Ek Se Ek Sunder Ladkiya Thi
Achahnak Dholu Ne Ek Ladki Ki Jeans Ki Back Side Per Jahaz (Aroplane) Bana hua Dekha
Bahut Der Tak Vo Us Ladki Ko Dekhta Raha...
Ladki Ne Ye Dekha Aur Dholu Ka Majak Udane Ke Liye Boli...
Ladki - Arey, Kya Pahle Kabhi Jahaaz Nahi Dekha?
Dholu - Ji Jahaz to Maine Bahut Dekhe Hai, Par Aisa Shandar Airport Pahle Kabhi Nahi Dekha...
Read more →

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Santa Banta Jokes and Chutkule

,
Santa ke Ghar Ladki ne janam liya..to Banta ne kaha...

Banta - jab ladki badi hogi to ladke isko chedenge...

Santa - Maine iska intejaam kar liye hai.

Banta - kya kiya?

Santa - Ladki ka naam DIDI rakh diya hai.

*******

Santa - Yar banta hamare beech main kya relation hai ? Banta - Wahi jo Besan or Pakode ka hai !
Santa - kaise ?
Banta - Kyunki jab Besan SANTA hai tabhi to Pakoda BANTA hai..

*******

Teacher : Ye batao ki Duniya
main kitne desh hai ???
-
-
-
-
SANTA : Kar di na pagalon wali baat
Duniya main 1 hi desh hai
apna BHARAT
Baki sab to Videsh hai...
Read more →

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Ladka aur Ladki ke Mast Chutkule

,
Ladki : Ek Taraf Paisa Hai aur
Ek Taraf Dimag
Tum Kya Choose Karoge ???
-
-
-
Ladka : Paisa...
-
-
-
Ladki : Galat Main Hoti To Dimag
Leti..
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Ladka : Ab Jiske Pass Jo Nahi Hai, Wo
Wahi To Lega na
Read more →

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Husband Wife ke Mast Chutkule

,
Husband (Jalane ke liye) : "Kal mere khawab main
Ek ladki aai thi...Wah kya ladki the
Wife : "Akeli aayi hogi.??
Husband : "Tum ko kaise pata ??
Wife : "Uska husband mere khuwab
main aaya tha na..
Read more →

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Majedar Hindi Chutkule

,

Majedar Hindi Jokes and Chutkule

Boy - "Jhutha Tha Wo Dost...
Jo Kehta Tha Jaan Bhi
Mango To De...denge
-
-
-
Aaj Wo Apni G.f. Ko Jaan Kehta
Hai
Or
Maango To Kamina Gaaliya Deta
Hai..

*****

इक बार चर्च के फादर और मंदिर के सनातनी पुजारी जी में बहस हो गयी ...।
पुजारी जी ने चर्च के फादर से पूछा की आप कौन ??
-
तो फादर बोला - मैं तेरा बाप लोग मुझे " फादर "कहते हैं ...!
-
फिर फादर ने पुजारी जी से पूछा की आप कौन ??
तो पुजारी जी ने भी बोल दिया ---
-
-
-
मैं तेरे बाप का बाप .. लोग मुझे " बाबा " कहते हैं ..! 

*****

A boy got a job in a girls hostel..
-
-
After 2 months
Owner asked:
Why don't u come to take your salary..??
-
Boy : Kyaa..??
Salary bhi milegi..??

*****

Dad - Beta Mere Liye 1 Glass Pani Lana!
-
Son - Nahi launga.
-
2nd Son - Rehane do Dad Ye To Hai Hi
batmiz, Aap Khud lelo, aur Mere Liye bhi 1 Glass Lete aana...
Read more →

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Wasim Bhai aur Uska Tota

,
Ek din ek lady Dukan se parrot (Tota) kharidne gayi...

Usne Dukandar se kaha WASIM bhai Ek Tota chahiye...

Dukandar ne usko ek Tota dikaya...

Lady ne pucha is Tote ki khas bat kya hai Wasim bhai...

Wasim bhai bole ki ye Tota bolta hai...

Lady ne kaha acchha...

Usne Tote se pucha main tumhe kaisi lagti huin?

"Bahen ki laudi randi lagti hai" Tote ne kaha..

Lady ne kaha Wasim bhai ye to bhut badtamij Tota hai gali deta hai.

Wasim bhai use Ander le gaya aur pani main dubaya aur pucha...

Gali dega...

Tota - Han dunga..

Wasim bhai ne phir dubaya aur pucha.. gali dega...

Tota... han dunga....

Wasim ne phir pani main dubaya aur kaha... gali dega..

Is bar Tota maan gaya aur kaha nahi dunga bhai nahi dunga...

Wasim use bahar le gaya aur lady se kaha ye ab gali nahi dega...
Tab lady ne usse pucha...

Agar mere Ghar par mere sath ek aadmi aaye to tum kya sochoge...

Tote ne kaha.. ki tumhara pati hoga..

Lady..agar do aadmi aaye to kya.

Tota..tumhara pati aur devar,

Lady...agar teen aadmi...

Tota...tumhara pati, devar, aur bhayiya..

Lady ...agar char aadmi aaye to...

Tota.....

-
-
-

...Wasim bhai pani lao...

Maine to pehle hi kaha tha ki

"Behen ki laudi Randi hai". 
Read more →

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Mast Chutkule and Jokes in Hindi

,
Boyfriend - Tum Itne Kaali Kyun Ho
-
-
Girlfriend - Tum Kyun Tenshion Le Rahe
Ho. Tumhare Baap Ka Kya Jaata Hai
-
-
Boyfriend - Mere Baap Ka Agar Gaya
Hota To Tum Kaale Nahi Gori Paida Hoti........

**********

Santa - Shirt ke liye ek acha kapda dikhaiye..
Sales man - plain main dikhau.
Santa - Nahin helicopter main dikha
saale bandar ki aulad… Yahin
pey dikha!!

**********

Ek Aadmi Toillet main betha tha Achanak se Usko sath wale toillet se awaaz aai
Kya hal hai ?
Admi ghabra kar bola - Theek hu
Phir awaaz aai
Kya kar rahe ho?
Admi - Zaruri kaam se baith hu...
Phir Awaaz aai
Main aa jau ??
Admi or ghabra ke bola - Nahi nahi main Akela hi theek hu.
Phir awaaz aai
Acha yaar main tumhe baad main call karta hu... koi Harami saala sath wale toillet se mere har baat ka jawaab de raha hai... 

**********

Ek Clinic Ke Paas Lambi line
lagi thi...
-
-
-
Ek Aadmi baar baar line
main ghusta,
.
.
par log usey dhakke maar
maar kar peeche kar
dete..
-
-
-
-
Aadmi : "Saalo Mujhe
Clinic Kholne do...
Read more →

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Latest and Mast Chutkule

,

Pappu : Papa Kya Aapko Jadu Aata Hai?
Santa : Nahi Beta, Tujhe Kisne Kaha?
Pappu : Agar Nahi Aata Toh Aap Raat Ko Mummi Se Kyon Keh Rahe The Ki Chal Ab Ghodi Ban Jaa.

**********

Ek baccha muskurate huye paida
hua...
Nurse - kyu hans rahe ho...??
Bache ne muthi kholi aur I-Pill ki goli
nikal kar dikhai or bola.. "Don ko
maarna mushkil hi nahi
na-mumkin hai"

Read more →

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Chutkula on Teacher and Student

,
Teacher : Tum bade hokar kya karoge ?

Student: shaadi..!!!!!!

Teacher : nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge?.....

Student : dulha.!!!!!!!!!!!

Teacher : oh, i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?

Student : dulhan

Teacher: IDIOT mera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?

Student- bahu laaunga

Teacher: stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte hai?

Student: pota

Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?

Student: hum do humare do, jab tak teesra na ho......!!!!!!
Read more →