Wednesday, December 21, 2016

मजेदार हिंदी जोक्स और चुटकुले

मजेदार हिंदी जोक्स और चुटकुले - Hindi Jokes or Chutkule

😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

सरदार जी अपने ससुराल में गुरुजी का प्रवचन सुनने गया !

गुरुजी बोले, "जो-जो स्वर्ग जाना चाहता है, वह अपना हाथ ऊपर करे"!

सरदार जी की बीवी और सास ने हाथ ऊपर उठाया !

गुरूजी ने सरदार जी से पूछा, "क्या तुम स्वर्ग नहीं जाना चाहते?"

सरदार,"गुरुजी, यह दोनों चली जायेंगी तो यही पर स्वर्ग हो जायेगा..."
😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

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लड़के के मरने के बाद, लड़की भी चिता पर लेट गयी ।
ये देख के वहां सभी लोंगो के आँखों में आँसु अ गए ।
लेकिन ये क्या ?
उस ने सेल्फी खींच कर पोस्ट किया
Me With My Ex Boyfriend At शमशान घाट Feeling विधवा
With Pandit Ji And 14 Others.
माँ कसम मोहब्बत से भरोसा उठ गया |
😆😆😂😂😝😝 ....

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Pati Patni aur Samsaan Ghat

Pati Picnic par Apni Patni ko Samsaan Ghat le gaya,
Patni - ye kaha lekar aa gaye??
Pati - Are pagli!! Log marte hain yaha aane ke liye...

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Jaat Ke Thaat Hukka Aur Khaat

Jaat Ke Thaat Hukka Aur Khaat

Delhi se 1 Aadmi do saal baad apna PLOT dekhne Rohtak aaya,
Us jagah par 1 Kothi bani hui thi,
Aur waha 1 TAU chair par bathie the...
Aadmi bola - Yaha to Mera PLOT Tha,
Tau Bolya - Han to?? Kothi ke Niche Aa giya hoga... LIKAAD LE BHAI.

********

Jaat Hat gaye sadako se,
Arr Police aagi Thane main,
koi Dikkat na hai,
ib aa jao Haryane main

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Ek Ladki ne apni Senior ladki se Pucha

Ek Ladki ne apni Senior ladki se Pucha...
Aanshu dene wala jayada karib hota hai ki Aashu Pochne wala?
Senior Ladki ne bade dard ke sath bataya,
"Karib koi nahi hota... kyuki Aashu dene wala le chuka hota hai aur pochne wala lene ke chakkar main hota hai."

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Sardar ji ka Long Password

Sardar's e-banking password was
"ram-sita-laxman-hanuman-ravan-delhi-kejriwal"
Banta - yar itna lamba password.
Sardar - Kya karu, Bank wale bolte hain ki Password main 5 Character aur...read more

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Ladki Doctor se boli

Ladki Doctor Se Boli - Dr. Sahab Muje Abhi Maa Nahi Banna hai
Doctor - Condom Use Kiya Karo
Ladki Boli - Condom Paani Ke Saath Lena Hai Ya Doodh Ke Saath
Doctor - "Kelay Ke Saath"

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Gabbar aur Thakur ke Chutkule

Ramu Ghar Ke Ander Ghusa Aur Thakur Sahab Se
Bola
Ramu - Thakur Saab Gabbar Ne Bahu Ki Ijjat Loot
Li
Thakur - To Main Kya Karun?
Ramu - Bahurani Puchh Rahi Hai Gabbar Se Badla Loge
ya phir main Payment le lu.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Ladki aur Doodh wale ka hisaab

Ghar ki bell baji..
Ladki ki aawaj aai kon hai,
Mam saab doodh wala paise lene aaya hun.
Ladki boli - pls aap bad mein aana.. aah aah aah aah.... abhi main rashan wale ke paise chuka rahi hun.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Pandit ji ke Suvichar

Ladka - Pandit ji kya 1 hi Gotra main Saadi karna sambhav hai?
Pandit ji - Beta aaj ke time main Gotra koi bhi chalega bas MUTRA ka marg alag alag hona chahiye

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Baap aur Bete ka competition

Ek bar delhi ek aadmi ke sabse chote bete ki shaadi hui
Bete ne apni suhagrat par biwi ko choodaa
Awaz sun kar uske bhaiyon ne bhi apni
biwion ko choodaa
Itne mein baap bhi shuru ho gaya
Chota 30 min baad phir se shuru ho gaya.
Awaz sun kar baqi bhai bhi phir se shuru ho gaye
Baap ne himmat jutai aur woh bhi shuru ho
gaya
Chota 1 ghante baad phir se shuru ho gaya.
Awaz sun kar baqi bhai bhi shuru ho gaye
Ab ki baar Baap ko gussa aa gaya, aur wo zor se
chillaya
"ma ke loudo, kyon competition mein apni
ma chuudvaa rahe ho".

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Ladki ka Surprise Kamal ka hota hai

Ladka aur Ladki Hotel Ke Room Mein Jate Hai...
Andar Jate Hi Ladka Apni Pant Utarata Hai, to Ladki Dekhte Hi Bolti Hai
Ladki - "Ye Kya? pahale Condom to laga lo'
Ladka - "Surprise... Aaj Bina Condom Ke Hi Karenge"
Ladki - Bahan Chodd Agar Main 9 Mahine Baad tere ko Surprise Doon To Fir LODE Jaisa Muh Mat Bana Lena...

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Ek Indian aur Ek American ka Mazaak

Ek baar Ek American aur Ek Indian helicopter main ja rahe the
Tabhi american ko potty lagi, indian ne kaha 1 plastic bag main kar ke niche phek do
Usne waisa hi kiya,
Niche Ek Sadhu ganga main pray kar raha tha, tabhi uske haath main wo plastic bag aa gira
-
Sadhu ne socha bhagwan ka prasaad hai ghar jaakar Pappu ko khilaunga
Ghar gaya or usne Pappu ko diya aur bola kha lo
Jaise hi pappu ne khane ke liye uthaya, light chali gayi
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Pehla bite - papa khatti,
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Dusra bite - papa mitthi
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Tisra bite khane gaya to light wapas aa gayi
-
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Papa "tatti"

Friday, March 28, 2014

English ki Maa Bahan kar di

Lady - Hey Fruit wale Bhaiya, give me some Potatoes Fever...
Fruit wala - "O Meri Bahana ye 'Potatoes Fever' kya hota hai?
Lady - Oh Maye Gaad, U Literacy People! 'Potatoes Fever' means 'Aaloo Bukhara'...

Friday, March 14, 2014

Sardar aur police ka jokes

Ek Sardar bahut fast CAR chala raha tha...
Aur Usko Traffic police ne pakad liya...
Sardar - Sir, main Driving sikh raha hu
Police - Bina kisi teacher ke,
Sardar - han, corespondance course hai na...

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Pappu ko sab pata hai

Teacher - Hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab pata hai.
pappu - Papa mujhe sab pata hai..
Papa - beta ye 50 ruppee le lo aur chup rehna.
pappu - Mummy muje sab pata hai..
Mummy - beta ye 100 ruppee le lo aur chup rehna.
Pappu (nokar se) - Ramu kaka mujhe na sab pata hai..
Ramu kaka - Aaja mera beta apne baap ke gale lag jaa

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Mast joke on Sardi Bahut hai yar

Ek bar Sardi (Thand) bahut pad rahi thi aur 3 Dost baat kar rahe the
1st Dost : Yar hamare yaha itni thand padti hai ki Pani ko bhi Garm karke pina padta hai...
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2nd Dost : bas' yar hamare yaha to itni sardi padti hai ki jab hum toilet karte hain to, toilet bhi jama hua nikalta hai aur fir tod ke dur fakna padta hai...
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3rd Dost : Yar tum logo ke yaha to kuch bhi nahi padti hai...
Hamare yaha 1 bar 3 guest aaye the... wo 1 sofa par bathe hue the aur jab wo gaye to Sofe par 3 bade Gole chod gaye...
hamne dekha ki ye kya hai aur jab unko Garam kiya gaya to unme se Poooooo ki Aawaz nikli...

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Ek Ladki Doctor ke pass Gayi

Ek Ladki Doctor ke pass test karane gayi
Doctor - You r pregnent..
Ladki - par mene kbhi kisi mard se sex nahi kiya..
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Doctor - to apke pet main bhi insan ki aulad nahi hai...
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kele or mooli ke podhe hai...
Doctor - Chutkule and jokes

Teacher aur Student ke Chutkule

Teacher Student se
Teacher - What is love...?
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Student ka Khatarnak Answer-
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L’ ko hath main lekar
O’ ko dabate hue
V’ main dalte waqt jo
E’ ki aawaz nikalti hai
use hi LOVE kahte hai..!!

Friday, December 6, 2013

Pappu ka Sahi Jawab

Teacher - Pappu 1 sath kitni balti utha sakte ho?
Pappu - 2 Balti 1 left aur 1 right hath se utha sakta hu
Teacher - Sale chutiye main 1 sath 3 balti utha sakta hu
Pappu : kaise?
Teacher : 1 left hath se, 1 right hath se aur 1 apne Loude par
Pappu sochta hai ki is Haramkhor Master ka kuch karna padega ab
wo bola main 1 sath 5 Baltiya utha sakta hu sir
Teacher: Kaise?

Pappu - 1 left hath se, 1 right hath se aur baki Apko apne Loude
par baitha ke...

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Mobile Phone ke Nuksan

Mobile Aaya
Camera Khatam
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Mobile Aaya
Wrist Watch Khatam
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Mobile Aaya
Torch Khatam
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Mobile Aaya
Radio Khatam
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Mobile Aaya
MP3 Khatam
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Mobile Aaya
Letters Khatam
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Mobile Aaya
Calculator Khatam
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Mobile Aaya
Computer Khatam
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Mobile Aaya
Sakooon Khatam
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Aur agar apka
-
"Mobile"
aap ki

"Girlfriend/wife" ke haath main aaya to

Maa Kasam
aap "Khatam."

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Sardar ke mast jokes

Doctor to Sardaar - App ka aur aapki wife ka blood group ek hi hai.
Sardar - Hoga, Jarur hoga... 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai..

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Doodh or Ladki Mein Kya Faraq Hai

School Ke Trip Par Bachhe Ghumne Gaye, Aur Usmein Santa Ki Beti Chinki Bhi Thi,
Jaisa Ki Aap sab Jante Ho Ki Jaha Jyada Ladkiya Hoti hain waha Bas Duniya Bhar Ki Ajeebo Gareeb Baatein Shuru.
Ase Hi Chinki Ki Ek Friend Ne Sabhi Ke Samne Ek Question Rakha.

Ladki - Koi Bataoo Ki Doodh or Ladki Mein Kya Faraq Hota Hai
Chinki - Are Pagli Tujhe ye Bhi Nai Pata...
Doodh Jab Garam Hota Hai To us par Malayi Uper Aati Hai, Aur Ladki Jab Garam Ho jae to Malayi Niche Aati Hai

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Ladki Swarg ke Gate Par

Ek Ladki Swarg ke gate par khadi hoti hai,
Aur usko andar se Dard aur yatna se bhari chikhne ki Aawaz sunai deti hai,
Ladki swarg ke Darban se puchti hai, "Yah sab kya ho raha hai"
Darban - ye swarg ke Dooton ki aawaz hai jinki Peeth main Dril se ched kiye ja rahe hain.. naye Pankh lagane ke liye aur
Sar main
ched kiye ja rahe hain Tezomandal lagane ke liye,

Ladki kahti hai - Swarg to bada bhayanak lagta hai isliye main to Narak main jana chahti hu,
Darban - Narak main apke liye thik nahi hai... waha apke sath lagatar Balatkar hoga...
Ladki jawab deti hai ki..." Ye to jayada achhha hai, aur uske liye mere pass pahale se ched bhi hai...

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Double Meaning Jokes

Double Meaning Jokes aur Chutkule - डबल मीनिंग चुटकुले

सनी लियोने कॉमेडी नाइट्स विथ कपिल में आयी
तो एक दर्शक ने कहा " मैं आपका बहुत बड़ा प्रशंशक हूँ।
मैंने आपकी सारी फिल्में देखी है।
क्या मैं आपके साथ आपकी फ़िल्म का एक स्टेप कर सकता हूँ।"
इस पर सिद्धू ने कहा
"गुरु, हर पीला फूल आम नहीं होता, हर सीता का पति राम नहीं होता।
थोड़ी जेब ढीली करो और उठाओ होटल का खर्चा, क्योकि ये वो स्टेप है
जो खुले आम नहीं होता। ठोको

*********

Aur jor se Dabaao na..
Aisa karo mera blaouse nikal do
Meri sari bhi
Aur ab dabaoo
Thoda zorse
Tumhara pant bhi nikal do
-
Dekho ho gayi na ab suitcase band...

*********

Marzi Ka Sex Pap Nahi Hota..
Piche se Dalne Wala Kabhi Baap nahi Hota..
Condom Zarur Lagana Mere Dost
Quki
Sex ke Waqt PAPPU Ke Pass Dimag nahi hota...

*********

Ek Village main aaj bhi films ka advt. Cycle rickshaw se announce hota hai..
Ek din kuch ase announce ho raha tha..
Film ka naam - "bade ghar ki beti.."
"Bade ghar ki beti ka mazaa lijiye, din main chaar baar, 9 se 12, 12 se 3, 3 se 6 aur raat 9 se 12..baje tak...
Aage ka 20 rupaye, peeche ka 10 rupaye.. Lijiye maza lijiye.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Pappu ko AIDS ho Gaya

Pappu U.S.A. se apni maa ko phone karta hai.
-
Pappu - Maa mujhe AIDS ho gaya hai.
Maa - Tu wapas mat aana BETA
Pappu - Qu maa
Maa - Agar tu aaya to Teri wife ko AIDS ho jayega,
Teri wife se tere BHAI ko Tere BHAI se NOKRANI ko, NOKRANI se tere PAPA ko,
Tere PAPA se teri MAUSI ko, Teri MAUSI se tere MOUSA ko, Tere MOUSA se Mujhe,
Mujh se hamare DRIVER ko, driver se teri Bahen ko
Or Agar teri bahen ko hua to sare GAON ko ho jayega..

Gaon ko bacha le beta...

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Ek bar Dholu College Main

Ek Bar Dholu Apne Dost Ko Milne College Gaya
Waha Per Ek Se Ek Sunder Ladkiya Thi
Achahnak Dholu Ne Ek Ladki Ki Jeans Ki Back Side Per Jahaz (Aroplane) Bana hua Dekha
Bahut Der Tak Vo Us Ladki Ko Dekhta Raha...
Ladki Ne Ye Dekha Aur Dholu Ka Majak Udane Ke Liye Boli...
Ladki - Arey, Kya Pahle Kabhi Jahaaz Nahi Dekha?
Dholu - Ji Jahaz to Maine Bahut Dekhe Hai, Par Aisa Shandar Airport Pahle Kabhi Nahi Dekha...

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Santa Banta Jokes and Chutkule

Santa ke Ghar Ladki ne janam liya..to Banta ne kaha...

Banta - jab ladki badi hogi to ladke isko chedenge...

Santa - Maine iska intejaam kar liye hai.

Banta - kya kiya?

Santa - Ladki ka naam DIDI rakh diya hai.

*******

Santa - Yar banta hamare beech main kya relation hai ? Banta - Wahi jo Besan or Pakode ka hai !
Santa - kaise ?
Banta - Kyunki jab Besan SANTA hai tabhi to Pakoda BANTA hai..

*******

Teacher : Ye batao ki Duniya
main kitne desh hai ???
-
-
-
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SANTA : Kar di na pagalon wali baat
Duniya main 1 hi desh hai
apna BHARAT
Baki sab to Videsh hai...

More Santa Jokes Chutkule SMS - Santa Banta Comedy Jokes in Hindi

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Ladka aur Ladki ke Mast Chutkule

Ladki : Ek Taraf Paisa Hai aur
Ek Taraf Dimag
Tum Kya Choose Karoge ???
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Ladka : Paisa...
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Ladki : Galat Main Hoti To Dimag
Leti..
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Ladka : Ab Jiske Pass Jo Nahi Hai, Wo
Wahi To Lega na

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Husband Wife ke Mast Chutkule

Husband (Jalane ke liye) : "Kal mere khawab main
Ek ladki aai thi...Wah kya ladki the
Wife : "Akeli aayi hogi.??
Husband : "Tum ko kaise pata ??
Wife : "Uska husband mere khuwab
main aaya tha na..

********

Husband Wife Se Gusse Se Poochhta Hai
Husband - Aaj Faisala Hokar hi Rahega ki tu Kis-Kis Ke Saath Soti Hai ?
Wife - Kasam Se Main Sirf Aap Ke Saath Hi Soti Hoon Baki Log Sone Kahan Dete Hein.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Majedar Hindi Chutkule

Majedar Hindi Jokes and Chutkule

Boy - "Jhutha Tha Wo Dost...
Jo Kehta Tha Jaan Bhi
Mango To De...denge
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-
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Aaj Wo Apni G.f. Ko Jaan Kehta
Hai
Or
Maango To Kamina Gaaliya Deta
Hai..

*****

*****

A boy got a job in a girls hostel..
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After 2 months
Owner asked:
Why don't u come to take your salary..??
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Boy : Kyaa..??
Salary bhi milegi..??

*****

Dad - Beta Mere Liye 1 Glass Pani Lana!
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Son - Nahi launga.
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2nd Son - Rehane do Dad Ye To Hai Hi
batmiz, Aap Khud lelo, aur Mere Liye bhi 1 Glass Lete aana...